Good morning,
I'm not sure this hasn't been said before, (actually, I'm sure it HAS been said before). In my book club, I'm often the one advocating finding middle ground, finding ways to communicate with folks who don't agree with us. The book club tends left/liberal, and my family and immediate surrounds tend very right. I think my value, such as it is, is to bridge that gap. I see reasonable republicans like my parents, and leftists who aren't communists, but prefer a social safety net for those who can't work. Often, they see the problems as the same, and just have differing solutions.
Anyway, I think I'm able to fill this role because I try to listen to both groups. Some of my leftist friends say that's shitty - that all republicans are racists and that being around them or calling them friends is bad. However, I think being around varying perspectives is ok, as long as it doesn't make me lose track of or sight of my own moral compass. It also helps to know another perspective.
I generally think of this as the George approach. This man is a Harvard educated doctor, who has been serving the world in all sorts of ways his adult life. He has treated hippo bites for doctors without borders. But to meet him and have a conversation, you'd think YOU were the expert. He lets people speak, and in doing so, creates this ability for people to express themselves and learn. Sometimes, I learn about myself, and sometimes I learn about him by the infrequent and subtle statements he makes. He asks clarifying questions, but never really tries to relate it to his own story, or make it anything but yours. The speaker ends up feeling heard, but also leaves feeling that this is a wise man.
Another version of wisdom is another chosen father figure, my friend Mark. He is well versed in a huge variety of topics, and can inject that knowledge into whatever it is I'm speaking about. He is ebullient and humorous, and able to make conversation with just about anyone, as well as being able to "run a room" no matter how big the room is (for example, a cafeteria packed to the gills with raucous 8th graders). He still listens, but in a different way, and lets me examine my own story though the way it is connected to his.
My method for this kind of listening is asking questions about things people are excited about or are experts in. For my friend Bill, this is machinist/engineer things as well as hobby farmer things. This is partly because he can make his own pieces to the antique machinery he uses, and partially because he is a meticulous maintainer of those machines. I love learning about the machines, and tried my hand at making hay myself this year. In general, people like talking about things they know about and care about, and I like learning. Win/win.
This doesn't work for everyone though - there are some people who can't or won't share their expertise. Or, they need their entire focus to do the job, and can't or don't want to handle questions. So for them, I watch and learn and try not to interrupt.
